Boyfriends or Girlfriends in Islam.............

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Fatimah Zahra Karim
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na mahrams talking

Postby Fatimah Zahra Karim » 04 Feb 2005, 17:04

i read an article from mujtaba a few months ago(issue no. 37)
it sed tht thr was a man (an ashab of Imam Baqir(as)) whose name was abu basir. he used to teach a woman quran. one day, during a lesson, he made a joke and laughed with her. the next time he went to madina to see the Imam, Imam scolded him n asked him if he thought wen a person is alone n SINS he is not seen by Allah(swt).
abu basir sed he was embarassed n covered his face in shame. he thn asked Allah to 4give him. upon this the Imam told him never to repeat the mistake.
so i guess its obvious tht one is allowed to talk to a na mahram in case of necessity but not jus because one wants to.
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Postby zamina » 10 Mar 2005, 10:04

s.a
well personally i think there is no harm in friendly relationships btwn the sexes.it is common knowledge that simply platonic relationships do exist so why all the restrictions,why is it forbidden in islam to have an uncomplicated relationship?
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Postby abuali » 10 Mar 2005, 11:33

s.a
well personally i think there is no harm in friendly relationships btwn the sexes.it is common knowledge that simply platonic relationships do exist so why all the restrictions,why is it forbidden in islam to have an uncomplicated relationship?


A/s

Simply because there is no such thing as an 'uncomplicated relationship'

And i think there is no such thing as a pure PLATONIC relationship between the opposite sexes...unless they claim to be masoom
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sumayya
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Postby sumayya » 16 Mar 2005, 21:31

...well in short since friensip btwn boys and gals r not allowed ..y bother making friends in da first place just stay away frm the guy or girl ... like you dont hav enough friends who r the same sex as you .. :!: :!:
Mo Abbas
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Postby Mo Abbas » 14 Sep 2005, 05:19

Do ppl still reply in this forum? :?
vancouver , canada
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Postby Yas » 14 Sep 2005, 17:53

Been quite a while hasn't it! lol.. we're actually going to be restructuring the place soon (within this week), so it should be all good after that inshAllah. See ya round the place. Oh and.. welcome. :)
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Muhammad Mahdi
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Postby Muhammad Mahdi » 15 Sep 2005, 10:32

salaams

someone had posted a question on the ask the scholar area asking about the types of relatyionships allowes with the opposite sex

and when i asked malim issa about it he replied that no kind of relations are allowed with the other sex before nikkah ceremony.
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G/f & b/f's in Islam.. Read it all..

Postby Muntazir » 16 Sep 2005, 01:41

Assalamun Alaikum.

Zina (fornication) has become a commonplace occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen as prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how such a situation can occur when most of our parents virtually put us under 'lock and key'. The answer is that although our parents are strict where we are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to us about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give us a Fatwa of "no boyfriend/ girlfriends" when we reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child would do?

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into ourselves and other Muslim brothers and sisters. We shouldn’t take longer to realize this or else it will be too late. At the late stage, even if we realize not to have such a relationship, how certain are we going to obey if we are already brainwashed by someone? Like what’s happening these days in this society. Hence, it is important that we come to know that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom we can marry) is when we are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.

At the teenage level, we should know the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make ourselves understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or 'an affair'. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We should know the bottom line examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, sexual diseases - the list goes on. We should also remember the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage: Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community." In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death.

But then what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished - he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times. Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet (s.a.w) saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire.

At this stage we may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act or that we can control ourselves and simply enjoy each others company. To fight this, we need to know that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all paths leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.

Something else we must learn to restrain our desires. We can do so by knowing of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah bestows mercy upon: Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgment) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah.

These are few ways for not involving in such relationships:
1. Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.
2. Not to look at the opposite sex. This is done by lowering or averting our eyes as Allah tells us: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts..." [24:30-31] Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "...do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) also said that the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust.
3. For girls, don’t make the voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahatma. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting. As Allah tells the wives of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) "...do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you..." [33:32]4. Last but not least, learn and know how to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to ourselves. That is, girls should wear Hijabs and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with t-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear the so called fashion clothing which, in most cases,
do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code. What is even sadder is to see Muslim mothers covering themselves properly walking with their uncovered teenage daughters and sons.
It is important that we start teaching ourselves the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet (s.a.w) as an example: Prophet (s.a.w) was shyer than a virgin in her own room. If we instill this into ourselves at an early age then, InshaAllah, whenever we are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, we will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our parents so that we can talk and explain to them different things, and we can ask them questions, without any party feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Then, when we are older, and with help from our parents, we will then begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called 'the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship'.

Last points:
G/f & b/f relationships are not what Muslim brothers and sisters should fall for, it’s for the immature desperate people who don’t care about their God, Religion, family, life, future and so many reality facts.

G/f & b/f in this post take an example of the Christian society, which is no longer a stepping stone to a successful marriage and family life.

Today the BF-GF has become the end all, be all.
There is no future (Living together in a single bedroom house and sharing what a married couple would share for months and years)
There is only "safe sex", in other words, called a deed rife with feared consequences called children.

Christian society has no life, no future, only a twisted definition of what is worshipped as "love."

Please correct me if i've said anything wrong.

Allah Hafiz.
as-Salaamu 'aleykum warahmatullah
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Muntazir
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G/f & b/f's in Islam.. Read it all..

Postby Muntazir » 16 Sep 2005, 01:42

Assalamun Alaikum.

Zina (fornication) has become a commonplace occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen as prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how such a situation can occur when most of our parents virtually put us under 'lock and key'. The answer is that although our parents are strict where we are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to us about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give us a Fatwa of "no boyfriend/ girlfriends" when we reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child would do?

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into ourselves and other Muslim brothers and sisters. We shouldn’t take longer to realize this or else it will be too late. At the late stage, even if we realize not to have such a relationship, how certain are we going to obey if we are already brainwashed by someone? Like what’s happening these days in this society. Hence, it is important that we come to know that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom we can marry) is when we are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.

At the teenage level, we should know the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make ourselves understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or 'an affair'. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We should know the bottom line examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, sexual diseases - the list goes on. We should also remember the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage: Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community." In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death.

But then what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished - he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times. Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet (s.a.w) saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire.

At this stage we may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act or that we can control ourselves and simply enjoy each others company. To fight this, we need to know that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all paths leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.

Something else we must learn to restrain our desires. We can do so by knowing of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah bestows mercy upon: Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgment) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah.

These are few ways for not involving in such relationships:
1. Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.
2. Not to look at the opposite sex. This is done by lowering or averting our eyes as Allah tells us: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts..." [24:30-31] Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "...do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) also said that the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust.
3. For girls, don’t make the voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahatma. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting. As Allah tells the wives of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) "...do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you..." [33:32]4. Last but not least, learn and know how to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to ourselves. That is, girls should wear Hijabs and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with t-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear the so called fashion clothing which, in most cases,
do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code. What is even sadder is to see Muslim mothers covering themselves properly walking with their uncovered teenage daughters and sons.
It is important that we start teaching ourselves the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet (s.a.w) as an example: Prophet (s.a.w) was shyer than a virgin in her own room. If we instill this into ourselves at an early age then, InshaAllah, whenever we are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, we will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our parents so that we can talk and explain to them different things, and we can ask them questions, without any party feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Then, when we are older, and with help from our parents, we will then begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called 'the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship'.

Last points:
G/f & b/f relationships are not what Muslim brothers and sisters should fall for, it’s for the immature desperate people who don’t care about their God, Religion, family, life, future and so many reality facts.

G/f & b/f in this post take an example of the Christian society, which is no longer a stepping stone to a successful marriage and family life.

Today the BF-GF has become the end all, be all.
There is no future (Living together in a single bedroom house and sharing what a married couple would share for months and years)
There is only "safe sex", in other words, called a deed rife with feared consequences called children.

Christian society has no life, no future, only a twisted definition of what is worshipped as "love."

Please correct me if i've said anything wrong.

Allah Hafiz.
as-Salaamu 'aleykum warahmatullah
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Muntazir Manji
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Postby Muntazir Manji » 03 Oct 2005, 12:46

salaam alaikum,

i suggest the book "CODE OF ETHICS FOR MUSLIM MEN AND WOMEN" for those interested in this topic...

it deas with the limitations realted to looking and dealing with the opposite gender etc in reference to various leading ulemas...
"live the life of this world as if it were to never end, prepare for the hereafter as if this life were to end tomorrow" Imam Ali (as)
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Postby qarrar » 01 Jan 2006, 18:51

I once heard from a lecturer this hadith from Prophet which said that every extra syllable we speak to a non Mahram will lead to the lowering of the Pul e Sirat towards Jahannam. :shock:
How does he, whose guardian is Allah, get perished? And how can he, who is being pursued by Allah, get salvation? (Imam Mohammad Taqi (as))
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question (sry if this has already been asked )

Postby peaceful_soul » 15 Mar 2006, 01:40

Salaams I have
I work in a youth committee n we have 5 unmarried girls n 3 unmarried boys We meet and plan activities for the youth group
We do have a mentor (who is married) however since he is always busy he dose not always attend the meetings
Islamically r we allowed 2 hold these meetings????
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Postby abuali » 15 Mar 2006, 23:18

Alaykum Salaam

Whether these meetings are permissible or not would (i think, and therefore debateable) on the environment...

Maybe the following will help: -

Mixed Gathering - A guideline for the community
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Postby peaceful_soul » 24 Mar 2006, 05:37

s/a
thanks for reply
i aksd a mawlana n he said the meetigns are not haraam but the highly recomends the presons of a mentor
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Re: Boyfriends or Girlfriends in Islam.............

Postby abuali » 17 Aug 2011, 06:58

I would recommend everyone to read the above compilation about the rules governing permissibility of mixed gatherings

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