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[zalidina]

Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing.

He concludes by saying:

"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident'

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

Mr. Rumsfeld sits stunned at this display of emotion,
nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks..........

'Exactly how many is a Brazillion ?!?!



(Must’ve heard, a million, billion, trillion . . . . . He he he !! !! !! )

[manji2005]

What a Way to Go!


A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a
fierce tribe. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that
now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your
skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how
you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some
poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a
pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and
blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he
shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts
jabbing himself all over --the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is
appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe,
shmuck!"

[manji2005]

The Bicycle Rider


A man was attempting to ride his bicycle from Phoenix to the
Grand Canyon. He made it across the desert without incident,
but when he reached the mountains, the steep grade wore
him down. So, he decides to hitchhike.

Some time later, a car approaches and offers the cyclist a ride,
but admits, "Your bicycle won't fit in the car." So, he opens his
trunk and takes out a piece of rope. Then, he ties one end of
the rope to the bicycle and the other end to his bumper.
"You've got a horn on your bike... If I go too fast, honk your
horn and I'll slow down."

This scheme worked well for several miles, until another car
zooms past. Not to be outdone, the man takes off in pursuit
with the bicycle in tow.

Both cars fly through a speed zone and an trooper's radar
gun clocks them traveling at 20 mph. The trooper radios
ahead to another officer and says, "You've got two vehicles
headed your way and they're both doing over 120 mph."

"10-4 good buddy," replies the fellow trooper.

The first trooper hesitates a moment, then adds, "And, you're
not going to believe this... there's a guy following on a bicycle
and he's honking to pass!"

[manji2005]

Borneo


An anthropologist was assigned to Borneo, where he found a guide with a
canoe to take him up the river to the remote site where he would make
his collections. At noon on the second day of travel up the river they began
to hear drums."What are those drums?" asked the anthropologist,
knowing he was in cannibal country.

The guide turned to him and said "No worry. Drums OK, but very bad when
they stop."They both went ghostly pale when the drums suddenly stopped.
The guide crouched in the belly of the canoe and covered his ears.

"Do as I do! Very important!""intoned the guide with great urgency.

"Why? What does this mean?" asked the panicked anthropologist.

"Drums stop! Next come guitar solo!"

[manji2005]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Bug's Life


Every night Joe would go down to the liquor store, get a six
pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV.

One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He
stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing
there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across
the room, then left.

The next night, after Joe finished his fourth beer, the doorbell
rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot
cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach,
then left.

The next night, after he finished his first beer, the doorbell
rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there.
This time he was kneed in the groin, and hit behind the ear
as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.

The fourth night Joe didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang.
The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the tar out
of Joe and left him in a heap on the living room floor.

The following day Joe went to see his doctor. He explained
the events of the preceding four nights.

"What can I do", he pleaded.

"Not much, I'm afraid", the doctor replied. "There's just a
nasty bug going around.

[manji2005]

Congratulations


On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet
of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the
enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy".
While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang.
It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong
card.

"Oh, it's alright." said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman
and I understand how these things can happen."

"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a
funeral party."

"Well, what did it say?" asked the storekeeper.

"Congratulations on your new location." was the reply.

[manji2005]

Granny's Sunday Drive


Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers,
a State Trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to
himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns
on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies in the
car, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused
says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing the speed limit!
What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should
know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to
other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Trooper, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22
was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman
grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask are the other ladies OK?
These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep
this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll probably be fine in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."

[manji2005]

Junior's Driver's License


Junior had just received his brand new drivers license.
To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the
driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural
drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly
behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery
after all those months of sitting in the front passenger
seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy
to his old man.

"Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit back here and
kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you
have been doing to me for sixteen years."

[manji2005]

The Pigmy


A scientist finds evidence of an actual dinosaur, alive and
living in the rainforests of South America. He campaigns
several universities and succeeds in getting a grant to
launch an expedition.

Several weeks pass and the expedition party stumble upon
a 3 foot tall pigmy standing near a 300 foot long dead
dinosaur.

The scientist approaches the pigmy and exclaims, "Dear Lord!
Did you kill this dinosaur?"

"Yep!" replied the pigmy.

"But, it's so big and you're so small!"

"Yep!" replied the pigmy.

"How on earth did you kill it?" inquired the scientist.

"With my club," replied the pigmy.

"How big is your club?" demanded the scientist.

The pigmy replied, "Well, there're about a hundred of us!"

[Muhammad Mahdi]

nice jokes

please take care not to post one joke many times or to delete/edit the ones posted many times
thanx

[Sayyeda]

Thanks for your post Muhammad Mahdi... I assume Manji2005 has not yet realised this. :)

However, I have already deleted the extra posts!

[Muhammad Mahdi]

no problem