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[Muhammad Mahdi]

Caller: Hello, is this the Help Line?
HelpLine: Yes, it is. How may I help you?
Caller: The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?
HelpLine: I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?
Caller: Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer.
HelpLine: Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?
Caller: It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '52X' on it.

[Muhammad Mahdi]

HelpLine: General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?
Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!
HelpLine: Is the gas tank empty?
Customer: Huh? How do I know?
HelpLine: There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?
Customer: It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?
HelpLine: It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you.
Customer: What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!

[Muhammad Mahdi]

[Muhammad Mahdi]

Computer Messages: what they say and what they mean by it

Press Any Key.

Press any key you like but I'm not moving.

Press A Key.

Nothing happens unless you press the 'A' key.

Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E...

... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem.

Installing program to C:\...

... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them.

Not enough memory.

I don't CARE if you've got 64 MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K.

Cannot read from drive D:...

...however, if you put the CD in right side up...

Please Wait...

...indefinitely.

Directory does not exist...

....any more. Woops.

The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close.

....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back.

[Muhammad Mahdi]

Chelsea Clinton asked her dad, "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time?"
Bill Clinton replied, "No, some begin with 'After I'm elected'."

[Muhammad Mahdi]

The blonde was broke and desperate. She knocked on the door of a doctor's
house and said she needed money and would be willing to work for it. The doctor
asked if she would be willing to paint his porch. He would give her $50 to do
it.
The blonde said that would be fine. The doctor's wife said the blonde must be
really dumb to do such a big job for only $50. "Does she realize that the porch
goes all the way? Around the house?" the wife asked. "I guess so," the doctor
told his wife. A few minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door. "All done,"
she said, "and by the way, it's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."

[Muhammad Mahdi]

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help
me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it."
Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?"

The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a
Tiger."

The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at
Puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him
to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, and then studies the box.

He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do,I'm not going to be
able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.
Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these
Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes back in the box

[Muhammad Mahdi]

Blonde Astronaut?



A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment
on sending women to different planets. First, They called the brunette in and
asked her a question.

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want? To go to and
why?"

After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars,
because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra
terrestrial life on the planet."

They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to
her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her same
question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings."
Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they
asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I
would like to go to the Sun."

The people from NASA replied, "Why, don't you know that if you went to the sun
you would burn to death?"

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you Guys dumb? I'd go at
night!"

[Muhammad Mahdi]

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning
Building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding
a blanket for them to jump into.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to
survive!"

The Brunette jumps and SWISHES! The firemen yank the blanket away...the
Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You got to jump!' say the firemen to the
Redhead.
"Oh no! You're going to pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.

"No! Its Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with
Redheads!"

"OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The
Firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like
a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again,The firemen yell
"Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just going to pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the Blonde says, "Nothing you say is going to
Convince me that you're not going to pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it . . ."

[Muhammad Mahdi]

The silver haired lady confronted her doctor with a
Complaint of pains all over her body.

"Be more precise," he said. "So I can help you, try pointing to some of the
places that hurt.

The silver-haired doll put her finger on her arm and said, "Ouch!" then her
finger to her hip and said, "Ouch!" and then to her rib cage and said, "Ouch!"
again.

The doctor stopped her and asked, "Were you a blonde before your hair grayed"?


"Why yes!" she said excitedly, "But how did you know?"

The Doc answered, "Your fingers broken."

[Muhammad Mahdi]

Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!

Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,

"I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

[Muhammad Mahdi]

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their con- versation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

[Muhammad Mahdi]

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.

She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,

"Picabo, ICU".

[Muhammad Mahdi]

There's too much youth; how about a fountain of smart.

[Muhammad Mahdi]

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.
He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside:

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."