Funny insulting jokes

The best place to come in and give your face muscles some exercise...
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manji2005
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Postby manji2005 » 21 Sep 2005, 15:31

Sarah and the Tourists


Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching
Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at
the counter, one tourist asked Sarah, the employee, "Before we order,
could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce
where we are... very slowly?"

Sarah leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr,
Kiiiiing."
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Postby manji2005 » 21 Sep 2005, 15:33

Sarah was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice, and she landed on "Science & Nature."

Her question was, "If you
are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
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Postby manji2005 » 21 Sep 2005, 20:19

Sarah and the Truck Driver


Sarah had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she
accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.
When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his
pocket.

He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded Sarah
"stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!".

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he
turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said,
"Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!"

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window
in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on
her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out
and slices all her tires.

Now she's laughing.

The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck
and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns
around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

What's so funny?" the truck driver asked Sarah.

She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!
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Postby manji2005 » 22 Sep 2005, 11:21

Sarah the Painter


Sarah decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these Sarah
jokes and how all Sarahs are perceived as stupid, so she decides to
show her husband that Sarahs really are smart. While her husband is off
at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down
to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the
distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife
lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski
jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all Sarahs
are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said,
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
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Postby Sayyeda » 22 Sep 2005, 20:36

Hahahaha!!!!!!!!! Fabulous! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Enjoyed reading them! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Keep on posting! (thumbs up)
*~* Stop analysing life, Just live it!... "Your today is the tomorrow that you were worried about yesterday!"*~*
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Postby manji2005 » 23 Sep 2005, 09:31

thnx :lol:
I'll keep on posting 8) 8)
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Postby manji2005 » 23 Sep 2005, 09:34

State Capitols


Sarah was very upset at all the dumb Sarah jokes she was repeatedly
hearing. She decided that she would learn all the state capitals in an
effort to defend Sarahs everywhere. She went home and spent the entire
evening learning them all.

The next day, someone at her office told a dumb Sarah joke and she
immediately retorted, "Hey ... I bet I know something that ALL of
you don't know. I know ALL of the state capitals which proves
that not all Sarahs are dumb."

The people in her office were somewhat dubious. One of her
co-workers finally asked, "OK ... what's the capital of Wyoming?"

To which she smugly replied, "W."
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Postby manji2005 » 23 Sep 2005, 09:34

Sarah and a Friend on the Street


Sarah and a friend were walking down the street. Sarah noticed a
compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it,
looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

Her friend said, "Let me look!"

So Sarah handed her the compact.

Her friend looked in the mirror and said, "You dumbie, of course she
looks familiar, it's me!"
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Postby manji2005 » 23 Sep 2005, 09:36

What Do You Get When You...


What do you get when you put twelve Sarahs in a deep freeze?

..

..

...

...

...

Frosted Flakes
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Postby manji2005 » 23 Sep 2005, 09:39

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire


Sarah appeared on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

Regis: "Sarah, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one
lifeline left. The next question will give you the million dollars if
you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to
$32,000 -- are you ready?"

Sarah: "Sure I'll have a go."

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it...

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

"Remember, Sarah, it's worth 1 million dollars."

Sarah: "It's a cuckoo."

Regis: "You're sure? You can walk with the $500,000 or play on for
the million."

Sarah: "I want to play, I'll go with C - Cuckoo."

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Sarah: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Sarah: "Absolutely!"

Regis: "Sarah.....you had $500,000 and you said C -Cuckoo.
Well....you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS Here
is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler.
Audience please put your hands together for Sarah."

That night Sarah calls her friend Carol and they go to a local
bar for a celebration drink. As they are sipping their champagne.
Carol turns to Sarah and asks, "Tell me, how did you know that it
was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"

"It was so simple," Sarah replied, "Everybody knows that
cuckoos live in clocks."
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Postby manji2005 » 23 Sep 2005, 09:42

Why Did Sarah...?


Why did Sarah climb up to the roof of the bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.
*
Why did Sarah have blisters on her lips?
From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
*
Why did Sarah put her finger over the nail when she was
hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.
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Postby manji2005 » 23 Sep 2005, 09:44

One day, Sarah went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where
they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them
in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals
free.
*
Why does Sarah keep empty beer bottles in her fridge?
They are for those who don't drink!
*
How did Sarah die while drinking milk?
The cow sat down!
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Muhammad Mahdi
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Postby Muhammad Mahdi » 23 Sep 2005, 10:05

8)
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Postby Muhammad Mahdi » 23 Sep 2005, 10:26

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will try to check my behavior..."

David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
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Postby Muhammad Mahdi » 23 Sep 2005, 10:31

Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment.

Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.

Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

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