Funny insulting jokes

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manji2005
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Funny insulting jokes

Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 09:39

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 09:47

One day, a girl walk to her mother and look at her mother's hair and sadly said: "Why are some of your hair white mom?"

The mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.

The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said, "Momma, how come *all* of grandma's hairs are white?"
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 09:54

1) A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.



2)When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag.

Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, 'Jose, can you see?'"
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Postby abuali » 15 Jul 2005, 20:48

:D

Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, 'Jose, can you see?'"


I think only those who have been to the states will understand the line above... :wink:
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 21:07

A seaman meets a pirate in a restaurant, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 21:12

:D QUite true Hasin :D Thanx 8)
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 21:21

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 21:37

I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I've found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I've found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently. The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people:

avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy;

split a large combination pizza with three friends;

think Oreo cookies are for kids;

nibble cashews one at a time;

think that doughnuts are indigestible;

read books they have to hold with both hands;

become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch;

fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips;

counteract the midafternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish;

exchange the deep-fryer they received for Christmas for a clock-radio;

lose their appetites when they're depressed;

think chocolate Easter bunnies are for kids;

save leftovers that are too skimpy to use for another meal in order to make interesting soups;

throw out stale potato chips;

will eat only Swiss or Dutch chocolate, which cannot be found except in a special store;

think it's too much trouble to stop at a special store just to buy chocolate;

don't celebrate with a hot-fudge sundae every time they lose a pound;

warm up after skiing with black coffee instead of hot chocolate and whipped cream;

try all the salads at the buffet, leaving room for only one dessert;

find iced tea more refreshing than an ice-cream soda;

get into such interesting conversations at cocktail parties that they never quite work their way over to the hors-d'oeuvre table;

have no compulsion to keep the candy dish symmetrical by reducing the jelly beans to an equal number of each color;

think that topping brownies with ice cream makes too rich a dessert;

bring four cookies into the TV room instead of a box;

think banana splits are for kids.
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Postby Reflection of Perfection » 15 Jul 2005, 21:44

Nice jokes manji 8)
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 22:45

Thank Reflection, there r more 2 come :wink: :lol:
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 22:47

Two Sardars were walking together...

Pehla: Oye marr gaye. Meri biwi aur meri premika ek saath aa rahi hain..

Dusra: Oye main bhi yahi bolne wala tha....
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 22:48

Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars exchanged their sandwiches.
:wink:
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 22:50

A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate

Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in
education
on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must
answer
two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?

The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's
not
the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only
12 seconds in a year?"
The >Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 22:52

1) American says "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Sardarji " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti
hai...!!!"

2) What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE .........

Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai......

Doosari bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai

:lol: :lol:
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Postby manji2005 » 15 Jul 2005, 22:54

1) Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?

< Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....



2)A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab today........

Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still..... digging for
more.
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