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[manji2005]

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he
Takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and
Asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies
"Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"

[manji2005]

Once a Sardarji was traveling on a train. He felt sleepy so he
Gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake
Him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that
For 20 rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji
Fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the
Station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.
Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed
When he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and
Woken up someone else"
*******************************************************

[manji2005]

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and
Started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is
Missing; what are you thanking God for?"
The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I
Wasn’t riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
*******************************************************
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth
Certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" "
Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper; it says that every 4th person born
on the Earth now is a Chinese."
*******************************************************

[manji2005]

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street, which has a Clock
Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says, "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several
Hours the Sardarji figured he was taken.
On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same
Street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.” Give me a
Thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him
the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and
I'll go get a ladder."
*******************************************************

[manji2005]

DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to
Get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get
A bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a
While when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend
Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats
In front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta
Singh! What the heck's going' on? Why are you so scared? I was
Enjoying my ride down there?
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver. *"
*******************************************************

[manji2005]

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor
Asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing
a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
Accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But..What happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called again."
**************************************************

[manji2005]

....Heavenly Voice Mail ....
Heavenly Voice Mail
Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling heaven.

For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.

(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)

For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3 16.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.

[manji2005]

He's such a dumb jock, that when he was driving to the airport, he saw a sign that read, "Airport Left," and he turned around and went home.

[manji2005]

Country Politics

A busload of politicians was driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and apsked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, they were ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

[manji2005]

The Genie & 3 Wishes

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are in Ft. Lauderdale for a two-week period helping out on a project.

About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie. "I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

[manji2005]

Genie On A Beach

A man was walking along the beach when he found a
bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it.

A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The
genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but
only one.."

The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to
go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of
flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for
a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii."

The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think
I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the
pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would
have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the
pavement that would be needed.

No, that is just too much to ask."

The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is
one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be
able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are
they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with?
Basically, what makes them tick?"

The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you
want two lanes or four?

[manji2005]

"""""India-Pakistan Jokes""""""
Accident

A Pakistani and an Indian get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Indian sees the Pakistani's car and asks, "So you're a Pakistani. I'm an Indian. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."


The Pakistani replies, "I agree with you completely this must be a sign from Allah."


The Indian continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Pakistani.



The Pakistani says : "Even though alcohol is banned by Islam but it looks like Allah wanted us to drink." He takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the Indian.



The Indian takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the Pakistani. The Pakistani asks, "Aren't you having any?" The Indian replies, "No... I think I'll wait for the police!"

[manji2005]

Pakistan Soldier in Train

A Paskistani soldier, after serving in Kargil, had just returned from several weeks of intense action. He had finally been granted train ticket and was on a train bound for Karachi . The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Army soldiers. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady, May I sit there? I'm very tired." The woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Soldiers ! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. A gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you soldiers do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.

You eat using the wrong hand. You drive your vehicles in the middle of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

[manji2005]

Local Call

Queen Elizabeth, Clinton & Sharoon died & went straight to hell.

Queen Elizabeth said "I miss my region England. I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there. "

She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????

The devil says "Five million dollars"

She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Clinton was soo jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States I want to see how everybody is doing there too"

He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????

The devil says "Ten million dollars"

With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

Sharoon was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Israil and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????

The devil says "Twenty dollars".

Sharoon is stunned & says "Twenty dollars??? Only ??"

The devil says "Well if you make a call from one hell to another hell, it's local".

[manji2005]

God's Identity

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about God. He goes up to his mother and asks, "Well, son, he''''s a boy and a girl"
Not really know what to say the mother just says, "Well, son, he''''s black and white."

So he asks his mother, "Mom, is God black or white?"

Again not really knowing what to say, the mother tells her son, "Well ,son, he''''s black and white."

So the little boy looks at his mother as though he finally understands and says, "Ohhhh, I didn''''t know that God was Michael Jackson!"