Marriage jokes

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Marriage jokes

Postby qarrar » 08 Mar 2006, 16:05

Wife: When you drink Indian i.e. desi and come home, you call me 'Rani.' When you drink English, you call me fairy. What have you drunk today that you are calling me a witch?
Husband: I am not drunk today, sweetheart!

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done.

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over and made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and was yelling and screaming because she was all wet. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, 'It really works!'

'Cash, check, or charge?' the cashier asked. As the woman looked for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 'Do you always carry your TV remote?' the cashier asked. 'No,' she replied. 'But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the worst thing I could do to him.'

A man told his wife one day, 'I don't know how u can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.' Thew wife responded, 'Allow me 2 explain. God made me beautiful so u would be attracted 2 me , and stupid so I would be attracted to u!'

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, 'Are they relatives of yours?' 'Yes,' his wife replied. 'I married into the family.'
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Postby xx_atika_xx » 08 Mar 2006, 20:49

From Lee Daniel Quinn's book, Quinn's Devious
Dictionary:

MARRIAGE, n.

[1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of
history;

[2] a word that should be pronounced as "mirage";

[3] an event, for the upper middle class, is the
only adventure left;

[4] a very good way to promote civilization - if
you get a good wife you will be happy, if you get
a bad one you will become a philosopher
{Socrates};

[5] a process much like a cafeteria - you
carefully look over the choices, select what looks
the best - and pay later;

[6] an event which is called "tying the knot" -
unfortunately, the knot can be a noose;

[7] a word which always means commitment - but so
does insanity;

[8] the only permanent cure for love;

[9] something which is called a feast -
unfortunately, sometimes the appetizer is better
than the main course;

10] the alliance of two people, one who never
remembers birthdays, and the other who never
forgets them;

[11] the process that turns a female from an
attraction into a distraction;

[12 a legal custom which turns a man into the
captive audience of his wife;

[13] occurs where a man gets hooked by his own
line;

14] in America, is the only legal method of
suppressing freedom of speech;

[15] is just a three-ring circus: engagement,
wedding, and suffer;

[16] the process of finding out the kind of guy
your wife would have preferred;

[17] a condition where no wife gets what she
expected, and no husband expected what he was
getting;

[18] the ceremony which provides a man with
something that, sooner or later, he will find he
can't blame on the government;

[19] a tradition which would suffer considerably
if men had to pay the minister the same fee they
will eventually have to pay the divorce lawyer;

[20] is a book in which the first chapter is
written in poetry and the rest of the pages is
prose;

[21] a bargain, and a sensible person understands
that someone must get the better of any bargain;

[22] in Japanese is called "Judo" - the art of
conquering by yielding. This is the western
equivalent of "Yes, dear";

[23] a confrontation which always demands the
greatest understanding of the subtle art of
insincerity possible between two human beings;

[24] is not a word, but a sentence;

[25] a delightful form of combat where you get to
sleep with the enemy;
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Postby Muhammad Mahdi » 10 Mar 2006, 22:14

ERROR 279
Last edited by Muhammad Mahdi on 19 Mar 2006, 09:40, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby qarrar » 11 Mar 2006, 02:25

xx_atika_xx wrote: a delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy;

Men sleep on the couch nowadays and before they know it they are out of the house because apparently the woman gets the house now :!:
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Postby xx_atika_xx » 11 Mar 2006, 14:38

And the money 8)

Ps - Its called housekeeping :!:
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Postby qarrar » 11 Mar 2006, 20:02

xx_atika_xx wrote:And the money 8)

Interestingly Maulana Sadiq Hassan in his first ashra Majlis touched on this issue and suggested women should give back or refuse to take whatever extra a secular court offers them during a divorce settlement because under sharia law she is only entitled to 1 sixth of the share. I wonder how many women would actually do this :?: :twisted:
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Postby xx_atika_xx » 11 Mar 2006, 22:49

Last edited by xx_atika_xx on 12 Mar 2006, 15:46, edited 3 times in total.
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Postby qarrar » 12 Mar 2006, 00:04

xx_atika_xx wrote:Are you suggesting that women are not honest enough :?:

Of course not, I am sure most women would settle their disputes as stipulated by sharia.
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Postby xx_atika_xx » 12 Mar 2006, 01:24

Lesson from the titanic:

I'll never let go Jack, I'll never let go." Rose in Titanic. Several seconds later, poor little Jack sinks to the bottom of the Atlantic.
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Postby qarrar » 12 Mar 2006, 02:35

xx_atika_xx wrote:Lesson from the titanic:

It’s been some time since I last saw the movie. So what happened, did Rose let go or was Jack determined to see the bottom of the Atlantic :?:
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Postby Sayyeda » 12 Mar 2006, 22:37

Marrying a Goldmine!

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Postby qarrar » 12 Mar 2006, 23:32

Sayyeda wrote:Marrying a Goldmine!


Aint she supposed to bring all dat form her parent’s house :?: Its more like marrying into a gold mine then :)
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Postby xx_atika_xx » 12 Mar 2006, 23:55

I think the guy has to pay for half of it :twisted:

But honestly, kudos to her for wearing it even for an hour!
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Postby qarrar » 13 Mar 2006, 00:17

xx_atika_xx wrote:I think the guy has to pay for half of it :twisted:
I don’t tink so, if she wants to wear so much, she gotta bring it from home. 8)

xx_atika_xx wrote:But honestly, kudos to her for wearing it even for an hour!
Indeed bravo to her, boy her neck must be pretty strong :!: :lol:
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Postby xx_atika_xx » 13 Mar 2006, 00:29

I think this is just the start! Think of the birthdays, anniversaries e.t.c.
8)

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