How does it feel being engaged??

The decision to marry is one of great importance. How early should this decision be made? How early is too early? And everythign else about marriage
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How does it feel being engaged??

Postby Keep Smiling » 29 Oct 2004, 10:49

As we all know that Engagement comes after we already met the person whom we have finally decided to spend the rest of our lives with. Whether this be love or arranged or like the way hasin puts it semi-arranged..we all go through the same procedures...

Engagement is a very crucial period as two people get to know one another quite well..as now they will be going out together in open not secretly and try to spend more time together. In this process alot of things are being talked and shared, where you get to know where you both stand, what is more important to him/her..Please correct me if m
wrong!

It is the sweetest, most memorable times of ones life and you'd want it to last..

Who has had a different experience being engaged??
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Postby saleha » 29 Oct 2004, 21:40

salaam..
i aint engaged tht i'd know how it feels to b engaged..but lisenin to other's experiences all i have got to hear is tht its the best part of life..before gettin married...ure rite abt the crucial stage of life..yes its the most delicate stage...where things can go rong..but with mutual understanding n trust btwn each other i don think nethin wud go rong...to all those hu're engaged..make the most of it..n njoi life...
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Keeping In touch...

Postby Keep Smiling » 16 Nov 2004, 15:51

These are just mere thoughts that popped into my mind at one point in time...
keeping in touch with your fiance/fiancee??Is this a difficult task??

I mean all these years you had been free to talk/ text message/email/phone call etc to whoever you wanted to and maybe you even had lots of other guy friends if ur a girl and vice versa but now that ur engaged you'd feel very guilty keeping in touch with them as much plus now you have an addition...someone you should definately keep in touch with..someone you've decided to spend the rest of ur life with??
Will you stop writing to ur old friends because you want to concentrate on only one person or will you keep in touch with everyone just like you did earlier??

Secondly, this person you're engaged to loves to argue..nywhere anytime.
and you're not the kind to argue about things you're like either yes or no kind of person...how do u control this situation??
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You'll know when you're engaged...

Postby Tanveer » 17 Nov 2004, 12:23

Hey Keep Smiling...just keep smiling...don't worry about something that you haven't entered into yet...i know...millions of questions pop up in our minds when we know one day we will have to enter the fold of marriage and before that,the fold of engagement...but no matter whatever people tell you,they will either tell you things that they have experienced or things that they have heard from others who have had their own experiences,you will rarely experience similar things...in most cases,everyone experiences totally different things...you can listen to other's experience because you will learn alot but you will rarely experience the same thing...therefore,regarding questions that you can ask a guy when he comes to meet you...the questions just pop up in your mind when you start talking...mind you...let him start...don't act too smart or too confident...let him start asking then you can continue...infact you can start making a list of questions that you would like to know about the guy whom you MIGHT marry...it MAY sound silly...it may NOT sound silly...it depends on what kind of a person you are...but if you know that you are of age and now anytime proposals might start popping or they may already have started,and you are also now ready to say yes to one of them (ofcourse if you like him),then start making your own personal list of questions.Ofcourse,the guy wont just pop up in your house...you will know when the guy is coming to meet you and so you can go through the list you have made...and you wont be dumbfounded when you meet him...that's the secret...if you are a happy-go-lucky type..you know...a jokey and funny type...then you can also sit with the list and once the conversation starts,you will know if the guy is also a mischievious one...if he is...then you can point-blankly tell him that you have infront of you a whole list of questions because he has come for an interview and you can tell him to take your interview as well...this will make work easier for both of you...mind you...again...it all depends on what kind of a person you are and the opposite person is...you don't necessarily have to take the list with you...but making a list makes your work easier...you can go through it to know what questions you can ask him...his hobbies...what is he studying (if he is),what work he does (if any),etc,etc.Hope this has given you some idea...i am open to any comments and more ideas because i too am in the same boat...not married...not engaged....that's just my way of thinking...i haven't made a list myself,but i think i will very soon... :wink:
~Tanveer~
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Postby Keep Smiling » 17 Nov 2004, 13:09

Hey FAB...Thanks..people always tell me that i am always smiling so i am infected with some smiling virus i want others to get infected as well..
Thanks for ur reply but u know wat? ur answer is of the qn i asked in the marriage section and the qn in this section remains unanswered...
nyways thats alright ...
You see thats it!! how can i not worry coz i already got into it...I am engaged but this qn does not relate to me...u see i already went through it...but YES! i too was very confused about what questions to ask and how it will all be i mean the meeting and all that and since majority on this forum seem confused about alot of issues i thought somehow someone might be looking for an answer like this one.
Yes, ur right! lots and lots of qns do pop into my mind and people will tell you about their experiences but they urn out way different from what u had heard...

I must tell you this..when the guy comes to meet you the first time all you know wabt him is who his parents are, wat work he does, his siblings thats it..you hardly know the guy...ur very right about preparing the list..yes u definately will need it the most...

i need to get going right now i will continue with this later...hold on ...
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Postby Keep Smiling » 20 Nov 2004, 19:20

what i was saying is that you're very right about the list but it kind of looks wierd to hold a list in hand and the feeling of uncomfortable remains but it kind of works well if u refer the list before u meet..but how do u think the conversation is going to start? okay u say the girl should wait for him to start but u know wat?? there are some guys who also feel nervous and dont know where to start with?Am i right??then how should the girl start or shuld she still wait for him?

Yes FAB! you better get started with the list i advise the girls to espeially coz when the right moment arrives you might panic and be very nervous..
Good luck!! i am open to any comment..just shoot!!
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Postby abuali » 20 Nov 2004, 21:32

My greetings to all.

Marriage is bliss and a form of worship of Allah the great...atleast it should be....

I have always understood that engagement precedes marriage due to obstacles which do not allow for immediate marriage...such as education still pending...or inorder to have time to prepare for marriage and so on....please correct me if I am wrong...

In other words, if there are no such obstacles, and the marriage has been arranged, there really is no reason for an engagement.

Keep Smiling
I mean all these years you had been free to talk/ text message/email/phone call etc to whoever you wanted to and maybe you even had lots of other guy friends if ur a girl and vice versa but now that ur engaged you'd feel very guilty keeping in touch with them as much plus now you have an addition...someone you should definately keep in touch with..someone you've decided to spend the rest of ur life with??
Will you stop writing to ur old friends because you want to concentrate on only one person or will you keep in touch with everyone just like you did earlier??


I think that with the responsibility that engagement/marriage brings, and the need to attend to the needs of ones spouse, it would be necessary not to do anything that may make your spouse-to-be feel uneasy or jealous about.

I mean, if I had been engaged, I would not approve of her texting/phoning/emailing with other males without any necessary reasons. I am sure she would not approve of me doing the same.
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Postby Shaina » 05 Dec 2004, 03:27

Salaams to u all...
i read all the posts in ths section, about engagement period,preparin for meeting and how unique the experinece is...m nt engaged but frm what i have seen n heard....every1s xperience is unique in its own way,different n mostly a good 1!But it makes 2 to make it worth it....so if both work for it to make it a memorable one while getting to know each other...it wud b gr8!
secondly, as litle knowledge i hav...i dnt think engagement is thr in islam...but in todays time,i believe it very very impt to know ur future LIFE partner, b4 u actually get married, inorder to prevent mis-compatibilty!
The list thingy....umm yeah it depends what type of a person u r...do ppl actually ask series of questions...cnt imagine hw the guy wud feel...lol but i surely knw such cases whr by the guy is nt able to say anythng coz he's nervous too...i mean they r human too n they share the same feelin i assume!
talkin abt miscomaptibilty.... i wonder hw do u knw hw cmapatible 1 is with the other???ths has always puzzled me and hw do u knw u found out quite enough baout the guy??do u cm to knw quite enough in 1 meetin?coz both of u will b best behaved!for those who hav any idea....pls reflect....
well this is enough i guess for now...i mst say this site is really good for many of us!
jazakallahu khair
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I can share my experience now... :)

Postby Tanveer » 10 Apr 2007, 19:04

The last time i posted in this section was when i wasn't engaged, but now I am married and am willing to share my pre-engagement experience when my husband came home to meet me for the first time before engagement.

Like i had suggested the preparation of a list, honestly, I never needed to make one myself because my situation was such that i was too far away from home, parents and family, and my husband was also in another corner of the world. The only means of communication before deciding whether we wanted to go further was through the internet: e-mailing and chatting. Now here, a question may arise that chatting to na-mahram is HARAAM so why did I go through this method of communication?? This was not chatting to kill time, flirt or any such reason. This chatting began after the proposal came and because there was no way to meet and talk it out, the internet was the only means of communicating as mentioned earlier, my now-husband, myself and my parents were all in different parts of the world.

Although this kind of communication takes much longer, but if both the people involved are serious about the relationship and their sole purpose of communication is to end up getting marreid provided things work out, then it is allowed and the length of the period of time is more effective and much better I think. Through this kind of communication, we both could ask each other alot more than we could have done if we would have met face to face. On the spur of the moment, (since it sounds funny to sit there with the list of questions), you may forget to ask the person some important questions. I once forgot to ask the guy his age when we met and yes, age was one of the important factors I was looking for. So communicating in the manner I did with my husband was much more convenient.

However, i must say that when things were finalized and when he finally decided to come home to meet me (I was back home then), we met for the first time and the engagement was kinda confirmed...but we didn't have anything to say since all that we wanted to know about each other, we had done so through e-mailing and chatting... :oops: ..so the two of us just sat there, shy and smiling, nothing to say....I had promised to make something that will require him to work on and so I handed that to him and he had promised to open it right infront of my eyes, but it was so tightly sealed that he couldn't open it and had to go home and start working on it...it was like a puzzle but I had written and cut it myself....INTERESTING..... :) ...

The bottom line is, every experience is different and while it is natural to worry and think about how and what its going to be like, once you're into that situation, things start falling in place automatically. Embarassing things may happen too (like we sat there with nothing to talk about) but the fun part is you can always sit and look back at those moments and laugh together while enjoying the memories (if you end up together.... :wink: that is).
~Tanveer~
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Re: How does it feel being engaged??

Postby abuali » 10 Feb 2008, 16:14

Thanks for sharing your experience Tanveer

I am sure it will be helpful to a lot of members
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Re: I can share my experience now... :)

Postby abuali » 10 Feb 2008, 16:19

Tanveer wrote:
However, i must say that when things were finalized and when he finally decided to come home to meet me (I was back home then), we met for the first time and the engagement was kinda confirmed...but we didn't have anything to say since all that we wanted to know about each other, we had done so through e-mailing and chatting... :oops: ..so the two of us just sat there, shy and smiling, nothing to say....I had promised to make something that will require him to work on and so I handed that to him and he had promised to open it right infront of my eyes, but it was so tightly sealed that he couldn't open it and had to go home and start working on it...it was like a puzzle but I had written and cut it myself....INTERESTING..... :) ...


:D

I think thats the secret. The relationship, apart from being a responsible one has to have the exciting and fun parts that make it memorable and strong
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Re: How does it feel being engaged??

Postby Moonbeam » 01 Sep 2009, 00:13

Salaam

I always wondered why people felt engagement was the best part of the package, because it was such a short period of time to limit oneself to enjoying something. Marriage is the actual reality and gearing one self to enjoying that more then the engagement is more realistic and perhaps even more fun because it is a forever thing. Imagine having the most fun ever, forever!

Engagement is sheer illusion that we tend to weave around ourselves, and when the reality of marriage descends thats when we say engagement was the best time.. e.g. after marriage its not gng to be very practical to be going out all the time the way you used to during the engagement..

Of coarse the newness of having a life partner when you are newly engaged is a unique feeling and experience, but i really think limiting contact and outings during engagement, keeps the feeling of newness even after one is married..

Alot of people share the same view that you wont get to know your spouse until you r actually married, so thinking that by communicating more during the engagement you will know more is perhaps just a myth.

Why not save on the expectation building during engagement, so as not to be disappointed with the realities of marriage..
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Re: How does it feel being engaged??

Postby abuali » 04 Sep 2009, 18:37

i am sure there quite a few enagaged couples on Ask.

Do share how the process was/is for you/

I have also noticed a lot of engagements are being dissolved these days, especially those engagements that stretched for a year or more.

Any thoughts on why these engagements break and whether they should or shouldn't?

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