- 11 Feb 2007, 20:27
#8781
As soon as Adam saw Eve, he found her a very beautiful being, someone who looked like but not similar to him. She spoke to him, and he asked her, “Who are you?” “A creation created by Allah as you can see,” said she. Adam then addressed his Lord saying, “Lord! Who is this beautiful being whose presence and looking at whom had delighted me?” Allah said, “She is My bondmaid Eve. Would you like her to be in your company so she would entertain you and talk to you and obey you?” Adam said, “O yes, Lord! And I shall surely thank You for that and praise You as long as I live!” Allah said, “Then ask for her hand from Me, and she may also be good for satisfying your desire.” It was then that Allah cast into Adam the sexual desire. (Before then, all he had was knowledge.) Said Adam, “Lord! I do ask You to marry me to her, but what is Your pleasure in this regard?” Allah said, “I shall be pleased with you if you would teach her the injunctions of My creed.” Adam said, “You have the right to demand that of me, O Lord, and I shall do so if it pleases you.” The most Exalted and Sublime One then said, “Yes, it will please Me if you do so, and I have married you to one another, so join her to yourself.” It was then that Adam asked Eve to come near him. “Come,” said Adam, but Eve did not. “Rather, you should come to me.” Adam was puzzled and did not know exactly what to do. The Almighty interfered and ordered him to stand up and go to Eve. Had he not done so, women would have sought men for themselves in marriage.
(Imam Ja’fer al-Sadiq – al-Ayyashi, ‘Ilal al-Shara’I, Vol. 1, p. 29)
Bismillahir Rahmaanir Rahim
All Praise is due to Allah, the One and only God. His being Eternal is compounded by His being Divine. He is proud in His own right and in His Greatness. He creates whatever He wills and initiates the creation without having to have a model for any of what he Creates! Our Lord is the One Who has always been beyond time as such; through His knowledge has He split the seed; through His Might has He created all creation; through the light of the morning has He started the dawn; there is non that can alter what He has created, nor is there any that can change what He has made, nor is there any that can revoke His decree or repeal His command or be exempted from His call! There is no extinction to His domain, nor is there a term for His Divinity. He is the first to create, the One Who is eternal even beyond eternity itself, the One Who has obscured Himself from His creation in the horizon of ambition, in the lofty Exaltation, in the abundant domain, higher than anything that is high. Yet He is close to everything, so He manifests Himself to His creatures even without being seen, while He is the most Sublime! By His Light He veiled Himself and ascended the height, obscuring Himself from His creation. He sent them messengers so that He would have the clear argument against them, and so that His messengers would testify against His creation. He sent prophets to them to bring them glad tidings and to warn them, so that He would guide whomsoever He pleases with the same, hence the creation will know about their Lord that which they did not know, and they will know Him as their God after having rejected Him. They will believe in His Unity after having persisted in denying it.
As Salaamu 'aleykum
Allah (s.w.a) says in the Holy Qur’an:
“And when the Souls are United.” (81:7)
“And (that) He created pairs, the male and the female.” (53:45)
“And of everything We have created pairs in order that you may be mindful.” (51:49)
“He it is Who created you from a single being, and of the same (kind) did He make his mate.” (7:189)
“Keeps your wife to yourself and be careful of (your duty to) Allah.” (33:37)
“And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them.” (30:21)
The Holy Prophet (S.a.w.w.) has said, “O you young men! I recommend marriage to you.” (Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 25)
Ask yourself, do you think you’re mature enough to get married? Do you think you can handle the best relationship given to Men? Are you going through a rough time? Have you chosen a spouse best suited for you? Do you guarantee your future together? Are your parents happy with your decisions? Are they ready to finance you if you’re not capable to finance yourselves? Do you think everything that you think should be discussed, solved and be organized while planning for marriage is set aright? Then according to what Islam says, “It is time! Do not wait any further, or you will hurt yourself even further.”
The Prophet (S.a.w.w.) has said, “No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage.” (Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 3)
The Holy Qur’an says, “And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your females slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, knowing."
(Sura Nur 24:32)
The reason to why Islam recommends marriage is due to various reasons. One of the most important reasons is to keep our Sexual Desires into control! Various studies prove that married men remain healthier, physically and mentally. This is because they don’t get over-stimulated and get into depression when our body commands for the sexual contact. Their sexual desires are satisfied and therefore the stress and pain is drowned away. But the singles, suffer the long dark night.
Islam, has always maintained that marriage is beneficial for us in many ways, and also regards marriage as a way to acquire spiritual perfection.
It will be very difficult for a bachelor to maintain his spiritual perfection, but for a married person, it will be a matter of his own effort.
This is where the following Hadith falls clearly:
The Holy Prophet (S.a.w.w) had said, “One who marries, has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half.”
(Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 10)
(The book “Islamic Marriage” contributes to the above Hadith and says, “How True! A person who fulfills his Sexual urges lawfully would rarely be distracted in spiritual pursuits. P. 10, D)
Having a problem in choosing a spouse? Take our beloved Prophet’s advice when he once said “It is binding upon you to have a religious spouse.”
(Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 30)
Another Hadith that I just came through in which Imam Ja’fer al-Sadiq (a.s) narrates from the Holy Prophet (S.a.w.w.) that he says “A Muslim has lost everything comparing to his fellow Muslim who has a Muslim spouse (wife); who pleases his eyes when he looks at her, who listens to him and follows to what he says, who takes care of him, his relationship when he’s away for work, his wealth and belongings and herself from others." This is the kind of spouse one should intend to look for.
Similar to the above one is the following:
“Imam Al Baqir (a.s) relates how the messenger said that Allah said, "If I wished to give a Muslim all the good in this world and the next, I would make his heart humble, his tongue full of remembrance, his body patient in times of trial, and I would give him a believing wife, who fills him with delight when he looks at her, and protects herself and his wealth when he is away.” (al- Shirazi, p. 187)
However, our youths these days have a complete different picture to how the “Girl of Dreams” should be like. She should be modern! She should be very beautiful (Extreme Hot)! She should be Rich with a $300 suit and a $1000 Rolex watch! She should be impressed with your “Sports” so-called car. And she should be attracted with your weird hairstyles and funny walk-styles.
Talking of girls… I’ll need some help please!
But now look at the following Hadith:
The messenger of Allah has said “A man who marries a woman for the sake of her wealth, Allah leaves him in his own condition, and one who marries her only for her beauty, will find in her things which he dislikes (unpleasing manners) and Allah will gather up all these things for one who marries her for the sake of her faith.”
(Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 31)
There are a lot of Hadiths that explain about the qualities to be found in choosing a spouse. I have pointed out a few below:
For boys:
Look for a Muslim girl.
A girl with Good Akhlaq.
A girl with a good family.
A girl with a good background.
A girl with good knowledge.
A girl who can take care of responsibilities.
A girl who could bring up a good family within.
A girl who could be a great mother to your children.
A girl who has patience.
A girl who can be trustworthy, full of hopes, honest, and loving. And
A girl who listens.
My teachers have also mentioned the following:
A girl with a Wealthy complexion.
A girl with a broad forehead.
A girl with Large Lips.
A girl whose mother is decent and religious with a good akhlaq.
A girl with a happy family.
A girl who is used to with family gatherings.
A girl who can keep family relations.
A girl who is beautiful.
A girl with big eyes.
A girl with Black eyes.
A girl with Long hair.
A girl with large breasts.
A girl who keeps herself clean.
And many more.
For Girls:
Guys who are Muslims. (It is not allowed for a Muslim girl to get married to a non-muslim boy. The marriage will not be valid according to the Islamic Shariah. And all the sexual intercourse will be so-called ‘Zinah’)
Guys who are smart and intelligent.
Guys who are responsible and capable of taking care of the family.
Guys who are healthy and fit.
Guys who have a good family background.
The guy’s parents should be decent and akhlaqy.
Guys with less temper.
Guys with respect and decency.
Guys with good manners.
Trustworthy and honest guys.
And a lot more.
Another important matter is, do not marry amongst yourselves (within the family) as there is a psychological/ mental effect to the child born. It is a proved research and it could be found on the internet.
Women are very sensitive. Women are calm and peaceful like the dark night. Therefore, they are supposed to be taken away from their homes when the night prevails. It is therefore Makrooh to get married in the day time.
One Hadith that I just came through is, Imam Baqir (a.s) when once heard that a couple got married in the day time when the hot sun was shining on the face of the earth. He said “I don’t think the relationship will grow even a bit stronger. They will clash and despair and return to their own houses." And Imam’s words turned out to be very true.
Another Hadith from Imam Kazim (a.s) that says “It is sunnat to get married at night time because Allah (s.w.a) has made the night to rest in peaceful (to enjoy) and women are joyful (where one can find peaceful with(in))."
(“And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them.” (30:21))
This Hadith clearly tells us that it is recommended to get married in the night time, and, a lot more if we read again.
(These Hadiths can be found in ‘Usul- Ul- Kahf’. Hadith No. 9557, 9558, 9559 of 9560.)
(It can as well be found on Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p.62)
Guys are strictly commanded to treat their wives with a good manner. Getting married doesn’t mean that you’ve owned a washing machine, a cook or a slave-girl. If you’re getting married with such purposes, then it’s better you don’t get married at all. Girls are supposed to be treated kindly and with a lot of love. If you start treating them unjustly, then my dear friend, you haven’t seen their unjust when they get sick of your ill-behavior.
I remember my teacher once telling me, “It is better to mess with a lion than to mess with a Woman!" Watch out brothers! Women are very kind and loving, but if they start hating you, you will cry tears of crocodile! (Just a small saying from the school days)
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) says, “He should overlook her minor faults and if she commits a major mistake then he should forgive her.”
Imam Sadiq (a.s) says “He should fulfill all her basic necessities and must not terrorize her by getting angry time and again. i.e. after fulfilling her needs, is kind and affectionate towards her, then I swear by Allah, he has fulfilled his wife’s rights.”
(Al Kafi)
The following Hadith is the best one. Read carefully:
The Messenger went on the Minbar and said, ‘O people, Gibrael came to me from Subtle (al- Latif), the Aware (al- Khabir), and said, “Virgins are like the fruits of the tree: if they ripen and are not picked, they will rot in the sun and be dispersed in the winds. If virgins reach the maturity of women, then they should marry; if they do not, then they will not be secure from degradation, for they are human.”
(al- Shirazi, p. 187 – 190)
Imam Reza (a.s) said, “Three things are from the traditions of the Messenger of God: using perfume (Highly Mustahab, especially during prayers), removing the (excessive) hair and visiting one’s wife.” (Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 4)
And lastly
The Holy Prophet has said, “When a man approaches his wife, he is guarded by two angels and (at that moment in Allah’s views) he is like a warrior fighting for the cause of Allah. When he has intercourse with her, his sins fall like the leaves of the tree (in fall seasons). When he performs the major ablution, he is cleansed from sins.”
(Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 74)
Here are some useful books:
Islamic Marriage by World Islamic Network
Contemporary Legal Rulings in Shi’i Law
Tahdhibul Ul Islam by P.E.T Publications
Marriage & Morals in Islam by Sayyed Muhammad Rizvi
The Concept of God in Islam by Yasin T. al-Jibouri
The Life of Fatima Az- Zahra by Allama Baqir Sharif Al- Qarashi
Thank you.
I'm sorry for not organizing it properly. Please let me know if there are any mistakes. And pray for me as I'm having my final exams tomorrow Insha'Allah.
as-Salaamu 'aleykum warahmatullah