When should I get married?

The decision to marry is one of great importance. How early should this decision be made? How early is too early? And everythign else about marriage

At what age should a man get married?

Before he reaches 20
6
12%
Between 20 and 25
38
73%
After 25
8
15%
 
Total votes: 52
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Muntazir
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Postby Muntazir » 30 Apr 2007, 04:13

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Rahim

As Salaamu 'aleykum

Now stop going through narrations and Qur’anic proofs, get over with it! Try to settle the minds of our youths first. It will be much more easier for all of us then.

Those are the infallibles you talk about, not some random people that came and disappeared! One can never compare himself to them.

If we are so much concerned about how they lived, what they used to do, what they wore, how they were and etc. it will be kind enough to do what they want us to do at first before talking of wonders!

They never did anything against the will of Allah (s.w.a), and they never got married with a 5yr or 15yr gap to please us! They did it for Allah (s.w.a) as they were told to do so! Why can’t we then focus on what Allah (s.w.a) wants before making everything so difficult for ourselves?

People do the same things, they do everything what the infallibles did, but at the end, they mess it all up! And then what? They start complaining about it! Should we be doing this then?

Age doesn’t matter my brothers and sisters, what matters is how matured we are, how educated we are, how trustworthy we are, how honest, caring and loving we are, and how much faith in Allah (s.w.a) we have. This is what’s important! Not arguing and wasting time on discussions that wouldn’t make a difference in a society where people don’t care and are less bothered. We have a higher responsibility to take care of at first.

Don’t take me wrong, but try to know Allah (s.w.a) before anything and everything. Follow the Wajibats before you follow the Sunna, and Wajibats will guide you to the rest. Trust me, there will be no use to know Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.w), Imam Ali (a.s) and the rest of the infallibles if you haven’t come to figure out who Allah (s.w.a) is, and what are His (s.w.a) wajibats because on Ruz-e Qiyama, they will ask you, and they will be very angry to why you didn’t have time to know Allah (s.w.a). Our Prophet (s.a.w.w) used to dislike when someone treated him (s.a.w.w) more than what he deserved.

We forget that these are Prophets and Imams sent to us by Allah (s.w.a).

Know your Allah (s.w.a) and He (s.w.a) will guide all of us to the right path.

Knowing the Sunnah before the wajibats, is like capable of defining the Holy Qur'an, where it came from, whose book it is, which is the smallest chapter and which is the largest. But if you ask to explain the same smallest chapter, one fails to do so!
as-Salaamu 'aleykum warahmatullah
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Postby Muhammad Mahdi » 30 Apr 2007, 16:40

but try to know Allah (s.w.a) before anything and everything. Trust me, there will be no use to know Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.w), Imam Ali (a.s) and the rest of the infallibles if you haven’t come to figure out who Allah (s.w.a) is.


Sorry for going off topic, but this is not entirely true. Ahlul bayt are the path towards Allah.
Another thing. Allah is infinite. It is impossible to understand him. hence if one understands his most perfect beings, one comes to understand Allah.
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Allah is More Closer to us

Postby Muntazir » 30 Apr 2007, 20:58

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Rahim

“And Glorify Him morning and evening.” (Al Ahzab : 042)

As Salaamu ‘aleykum

Thank you for your reply brother, you have a very strong point here. However, I didn’t refuse to recognize the infallibles or to abandon them if you read carefully. My reply is according to the subject. It will be very difficult to understand if you detach any part of my reply and question it. Try to understand what I’m trying to say.

A question for you Br. Mohammed Mahdi:

Christians… isn’t Hazrat Isa (a.s) a path towards Allah (s.w.a)? Aren’t they given signs about who their God (s.w.a) is? Doesn’t the Bible mention it? Hasn’t Hazrat Isa (a.s) himself spoke about it and made it clear to them? Why wouldn’t they recognize God (s.w.a) then? They have a full support towards knowing God (s.w.a)! Why then?

Yes, Allah (s.w.a) is infinite! And it “could be” impossible to understand Him (s.w.a) if one doesn’t know how to, want to or work hard to feel His (s.w.a) presence. As you have said “Allah is infinite”, you have simply answered to your own question my dear brother.

One cannot say, “it’s because of our Prophets we know His (s.w.a) existence, infact, it is because of His (s.w.a) Gratefulness we understand His (s.w.a) most perfect beings.

“…and if anyone believes in Allah (s.w.a), (Allah (s.w.a)) guides his heart (aright): for Allah (s.w.a) knows all things.” (At Taghabun : 011)

If you study Al Asma ul Husna (The Great names of Allah (s.w.a), you would come to know what connection we could directly have with Allah (s.w.a).

Allah comes first before anything and everything. Insha’Allah, the ayah below will solve the problem.

“…believe in Allah (s.w.a) and the Last Day, and the Angels, and the Book (Al Qur’an), and the Messengers (p.b.u.t)…” (Al Baqarah : 177)

Subhana’Allah, I can feel as if I’ve come to understand Allah (s.w.a) a little closer.

Thanks to you brother! May Allah (s.w.a) bless you, and all of our Ummah! And not to forget, Br. Hasin for doing such a great job! Insha’Allah, he will be doing even better in Heaven! I’m sure this would be the site “hhh.ask.or.hvn”

Please forgive me if I’ve said something wrong, or mistyped.

I will be looking forward to your replies.

Thank you.

Erfan - Theory and Practical Studies on Tauheed. The best and the most difficult subject present.
as-Salaamu 'aleykum warahmatullah
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Muntazir Manji
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Postby Muntazir Manji » 30 Apr 2007, 23:08

Br. Muntazir I agree with what you say. The infalibles (as) did everything according to the will of Allah (swt). Nevertheless, since they were sent as our guardians or in other words as the best examples for us, I believe each and every aspect of their life was to teach us, for the sake of Allah (swt) and by his will of course! Therfore we must refer to their lives every step of the way in trying to settle the minds of our youths. This will help the young generation to grow out of the false cultural traditions and set their minds on the islamic ideology.

Of course within the context of "Allah swt comes first", and not forgetting the quran! the other weighty thing that was left was us by our beloved prphet (saw).
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Postby FatemaC » 01 May 2007, 01:51

:?
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Re: When should I get married?

Postby Sajida » 24 Nov 2007, 18:52

Salaams brothers n sisters,

Why is the forum dead here??no posts from anyone,or is everyone tired of discussing abt it?
I've been quite lost too..its coz i got married n did not have internet access n jus got it recently..:)
If anyone needs any advice or suggestions..feel free to ask..experience counts!:)
Sajida..
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Re: When should I get married?

Postby abuali » 12 Jan 2008, 01:41

Thanks Sis. Sajida for your offer to help

I am wondering why the topic died of at such an interesting point

'Is age (physical maturity) of any value in the decision for marriage? If so how much should it be considered?'

I think the answer is simple:

The ulema say if a person is in danger of falling into sin because of being unmarried, marriage is wajib

The problem like brother Muntazir pointed out is that physical maturity does not go hand in hand with mental and psychological maturity.

I see the way forward in reconciling the two maturities so that they occur within a short span of each other. Question is how?

Sajida, your input, and of all others out there, may help shed some light
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Re: When should I get married?

Postby Sajida » 13 Jan 2008, 00:42

Salaams,
Well Br.Hasin,age isnt everything.
I got married to a guy who is young according to the normal age that people consider,n alhamdulilah i am married for almost 2 years now with no complains..my husband studies n works, n alhamd life is ok.I dont really understand y people think thrice abt getting married early or the guy is too young or hes not on his two feet??it comes with time n i guess both the guy n girl have to be understandin in every manner.

Sometimes,we do come across the guy not being matured or the girl,however before marriage if u know the guy has taqwa, n is frm a nice family background etc,its good to take a step ahead.Life itself is a risk,n isnt a bed of roses.

Everyone has hard times n happy times,if godforbid after marriage,problems occur,thinkin the guy or girl isnt matured..it wunt last forever,as they grow together,they learn how to live life independantly,n believe me u learn to do yr own things...what do u all say?or maybe i dint get yr point correctly brother hasin.
Sajida..
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Re: When should I get married?

Postby abuali » 13 Jan 2008, 11:00

I agree Sajida. And inshallah we pray for your success

Infact (if i dare to be bold enough) I think early marriage should not only be tolerated, it should be encouraged. Hand in hand with encouraging early development of responsibilities (ie mental maturity).

A lot of teen issues that we see in our community in for example Dar es Salaam could be solved if early marriage was being encouraged and practiced.

I am already an old man for teens :P so maybe some members who are in the teen-circle can shed some light on what sort of problems teens are facing these days
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Re: When should I get married?

Postby shia12 » 09 Feb 2008, 21:16

Salaam Aleykum
I'm not sure if people on this forum are facing similar problems, but generally, among young people i've heard of the problems they face.
They get into unlawful-7araam acts because culture/environment/situations do not permit them to get married early in life.
There are a lot of solcio-cultural reasons why they don't get married early, personally I think parents should encourage thier kids to get married early in life.
Among the kind of acts that are a result of not getting encouraged to marry early in life are:
7araaam relationships between genders of the opposite sexes, and masturnation.

The usual blocks we face - on the guys side - he needs to stand on his own feet.
on the girls side - she needs to finish her education - and mr. so and so (of prospective proposals) isn't sound enough to support my daughter.

Why is it that the reasoning for refusing proposals is always based on bank accounts and levels of education?

Fair enough that parents are simply looking out for thier kids, but I think they need to ask thier teenaged sons and daughters what they think, are they ready for marriage? How many times have I heard recently that you need not be 15 (for a guy) to have become baligh.

Just my 2 cents.
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Re: When should I get married?

Postby abuali » 10 Feb 2008, 01:03

I think you have mentioned the root cause/hurdle of early marriage

1. perspective of parents/society
2. finances
3. education

question is, how do we break the circle that is making so many youths fall into haraam?
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Re: When should I get married?

Postby shia12 » 10 Feb 2008, 18:39

Mainly the problem is, we approach alot of things with cultural thoughts. If we approached it islamically - I dont think we'd ever have these problems.
I'm not sure which Imam has said this, but after we cross the age of 14 our parents need to treat us as 'ministers.' Ask our opinions and advises.

It's very important for parents to be supportive of thier children. Perhaps discussions with 18-25 yr olds in the presence of thier parents could be something to think about. I mean we have discussions/lectures for the youth alone. They voice thier opinions, but the parents are never there, and dont know what thier kids are thinking. I suppose that brings us to communication blocks.
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Re: When should I get married?

Postby abuali » 10 Feb 2008, 20:24

shia12 wrote:Mainly the problem is, we approach alot of things with cultural thoughts. If we approached it islamically - I dont think we'd ever have these problems.
I'm not sure which Imam has said this, but after we cross the age of 14 our parents need to treat us as 'ministers.' Ask our opinions and advises.


Yes thats very true. I think the hadeeth includes three age groups and how the parents should deal with them:

0 to 7: treat them as kings and queens
7 to 14: treat them as slaves, discipline and instill values
14 onwards: treat them as friends

shia12 wrote:It's very important for parents to be supportive of thier children. Perhaps discussions with 18-25 yr olds in the presence of thier parents could be something to think about. I mean we have discussions/lectures for the youth alone. They voice thier opinions, but the parents are never there, and dont know what thier kids are thinking. I suppose that brings us to communication blocks.


I think that is a wonderful idea. Anyone willing to take this idea to tabligh?
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Re: When should I get married?

Postby shia12 » 10 Feb 2008, 23:02

hasin wrote:I think that is a wonderful idea. Anyone willing to take this idea to tabligh?


gotta be someone in dar :)
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Re: When should I get married?

Postby abuali » 10 Feb 2008, 23:27

For sure

I will try talking to some of the tabligh members and see what they feel about it

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