turkey wrote:How should i support my girlfriend if she wants an abortion? My girlfriend appears to have the early signs of pregnancy but we are not positive yet. We are both 18 years old and seniors in highschool. I moved 17 hours away from her just as she is beginning to have early signs. She says she will have an abortion. I dont know what to say. I really dont want to have my entire life thrown away because of this, but i do not want her to get an abortion. What should i do? How should I support her from this far away?
Dear brother Turkey
You have mentioned that she 'appears' to have early signs of pregnancy. The first step would be to ask her to go see a reputable doctor at a reputable clinic accompanied by a family member who can be trusted to be mature and to be of good advice.
It would be best if you can go to where she is and accompany her to the clinic for the tests. I would recommend taking someone you trust (a family member, a sheikh of your local mosque) into your confidence so he can be by your sides giving sound advices.
Remember, if you think this is hard for you, its many many times harder for her. So be understanding and provide her with the moral support she needs to go through with getting a test done.
Should she be pregnant:
The fact that you have requested for advice tells me that you realize that abortion is an ugly, murderous act.
Apart from the fact that it would be injustice, even if your girlfriend goes through it, experience shows that she will never be able to rid herself of the guilt for the rest of her life. Guilt as large as this (taking of a life) can adversely affect the mental and spiritual stability of the person.
If she does go ahead with abortion and you support her (even by not trying to talk her out of it), my experience tells me you guys have a long road of guilt ahead of you.
DONT DO IT.
Your or her whole life wont be thrown away because of this. Having a child is a beautiful experience. At your ages you both are perfectly capable of being responsible parents. You will both be surprised how much happiness a small hand in yours can bring.
Here is what you can do:
Take a break from what you are doing and go to where she is. Give her the moral support and the love she needs to feel that you are ready to take responsibility with her.
Propose marriage. Involve your families so you can get moral and financial support.
Get married and move on with your lives (whatever you are currently planning. Yes studies are not only possible after marriage and parenting, there is evidence to suggest its more productive after marriage)
Should she not be pregnant:
Have a heart to heart. See if you guys are serious about each other.
If you are, propose marriage
Get married and move on with your lives.
thats my advice
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